When Did Dating Get So Difficult?

Friday, December 29, 2006

It used to be simple: boy meets girl, they fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after. Or was that only in fairytales? Though we may wonder when did finding that special someone become so difficult throughout the year, never is that question more contemplated than over the holiday season.

As the sole single, uncoupled person sitting at the dining table, we may ask ourselves, “Why am I still single?” Not that we do not relish our freedom, our ability to travel to foreign lands on a whim, or the no-questions-asked when we delight in a newly purchase pair of Jimmy Choos or a 36” LCD flat-screen TV.

But sometimes the happy single does wonder.

Over the past few years, the single person has been presented with a mish-mash of dating advice and strategies brought on by the reality that many are waiting a lot longer than our historical counterparts to settle down and get married. We are dating more than we used to and some, newly single, find themselves back later in the dating game.

Many dabble in a variety of different ways to meet that special someone. With the availability of online dating and the now-becoming-acceptable dating services, there seems to be alternatives to bars and clubs.

However, still plaguing the single person are the overwhelming rules and strategies for dating that “experts,” without solicitation, dispense.

It began many years ago with The Rules and more recently there was He’s Just Not That Into You. Women flocked to purchase these books in hopes to uncover one of the greatest mysteries of mankind—the thought patterns of the male species. Some may have even referred to these books as dating manuals.

However, attempts to compartmentalize unique real-life situations to the ones described in books rendered many, not only frustrated but, to question their own thoughts and actions.

Though these more popular books have women as their target audience, men were not exempt from being targeted as well. Askmen.com has a section on love and dating with hundreds of articles that help men, for instance, “avoid the friend zone.”

It doesn’t take an expert to realize that what ends up happening is that, though both are sincerely interested in one another, she “keeps herself busy” while he “pretends that he is just not interested.” With both parties doing their own thing, no connection is made. No one is willing to make the first move so as not to “lose” the “game.”

That’s right. It has become a game where each player calculates each and every move in anticipation of what the other person might do. Neither is willing to take the risk.

No one ever said love would be easy. In love, we’re taking a chance, exposing our vulnerability, and there are no guarantees.

Love is not about rules or playing it safe; it’s about respecting yourself and the other person. Know who you are and what you want before getting into a relationship.

You must create a life for yourself before you can share it with someone else.

Once you’ve done your homework, go out and have fun. Throw away the rule books because there is only one rule: to love and respect yourself. Always remember who you are: your values, your needs, and your goals and dreams.

With a new year approaching, why not try something new; take a chance and make that connection. The great woman you just met probably does not have plans for the weekend, even if it is after Wednesday; and he would love to have a night away from the boys. You never know, the risk might be worth the reward; there just may be a fairytale after all.