Essence of holiday spirit

Thursday, December 18, 2008

The holiday season is usually a busy time of year for all. Shopping, parties, and family gatherings fill our time and our calendars. Personally, this year, all the hustle and bustle has made me stop to reflect and think about the meaning of it all, more so than in past years.

I have been fortunate that for most of my life, the holiday season has always been just another holiday season. Although, in the past, I have taken the time to be conscious about consumerism and those less fortunate, this year is much different. My thoughts seem to be centered around those who have passed, as well as thanks for all the blessings I have in my life.

Although, in the past, I have attended funerals and have been a source of support for those who have lost someone, I have never had anyone close to me pass away. This year was a first for me and that was with the passing of Uncle Peter. I regretted not being able to say goodbye. My heart ached and for the first time, I truly felt a sense of loss. Then in recent weeks, my beloved Leia passed away. Her passing has been the most difficult. She was more than just a dog to me. She was someone very special in my life. I miss her so much and it has been very difficult to welcome this holiday season.

These feelings of loss and heartache is mixed with a sense of belonging and joy for the other love of my life, CM. A long time ago, when it was told that if you write out a list of what you want in a partner and you will find him, I wrote a list of my own. Today, as I look through that long and detailed list, he checks off every single item. The beauty of it all is that his qualities add much more to the list than I ever expected.

Along with his wonderful self, CM brings with him a very large and colourful mix of extended family members. I am especially grateful for his mother and brother, both of whom I get along with very well. It has always been a dream of mine to have a large extended family and through him, that dream has come true. As you can see, my life is very full and I have every reason to be happy.

So how do I consolidate this mix of emotion? I miss those who are not here and my heart aches for them especially with the holiday season. Yet, my heart overfills with joy whenever I am around the people I hold dear. There is not one answer but I wholely believe in my heart that those who have passed help remind us to hold those we have still here, that much closer. That is the gift they gave us. Through the lives of Uncle Peter, Leia, Rick Mongeon, Auntie Marie, and others, I am reminded of what is truly important in life--appreciating the people that are in my life.

This holiday season, more so than before, I look forward to spending time with family, new family members, and always remembering those who have passed.

Leia :: June 15, 1996 - December 03, 2008

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Ever since you went away, I have hoped and wished for a way to know that you are ok. For days my heart has been aching to see you and hold you in my arms again. I asked you for a sign. It was just a thought. But I quickly told myself it would be futile to think that way.

But today you sent me a message--a little rainbow amidst the clear, blue, and sunny afternoon sky. It's difficult to describe the feeling I felt but I felt something in my heart. I know it was you letting me know that you are fine and that I should no longer be sad.

I know in my heart that you are healthy and happy where you are. You are in a place where there is plenty of sunshine and there is a huge backyard for you to run and play in. I imagine you rolling in the grass because that was one of your favourite things to do. I see you running and playing with OJ, Hairy (yes, it's spelled that way), Candy, and Miko...and many other furry family members who are loved and missed by those here on Earth.

My heart warms to see you happy. You lived a full life. In human terms, you would have lived to a ripe old age of 84! Thank you for all the love and joy that you have brought to each one of our lives. You have touched many hearts. You have been the glue that has always brought our family together. Even in your passing you have helped us realize how important family is. We put aside all our issues and came together for you.

You came unexpectedly into our lives almost 13 years ago. You have been a vital part of our lives. We miss you dearly. But if there is one thing you have taught me, you showed me how to live in the present. To honour your life, and the joy and happiness you brought into my life, I will remember that lesson. I will remember to live in the present.

Thank you Leia and I love you. We will see each other someday. Until then, you will forever be in my heart.