A Room of Her Own

a new year and a new beginning

2011-01-17T15:20:00.001-05:00

It's 2011 and I am pumped. My favourite number has always been "11." I remember in highschool, my nickname was "Eleven" because it sounded like "Evelyn;" I think it originated from the time when I taught swimming and some of my kids could not pronounce my name and ended up calling me "Eleven." It was cute.

2010 ended with big changes in my life. I FINALLY bought my own house!!! Everyone who knows me knows how long it's been a dream and goal of mine to own my own home. It was a difficult goal to accomplish because I had to buy it on my own! I did not have a partner nor a co-signer. Besides, I wanted to do it all by myself. So it took a long time but I did it!

I bought a tiny little row house in Leslieville, an amazing, burgeoning neighbourhood in the east-end of Toronto. I am right on the west-border of The Beach. The summer is going to be amazing because I am so close to the waterfront. I feel so fortunate to have found a great home in the area that I'm in.

I've only been in the home for about a month and I can feel a sense of happiness and independence that I haven't felt in a long time. It was difficult living in Milton. It wasn't my home and I always felt like a guest. A guest who ended up cooking every night and doing all the groceries. I paid too much in rent but who was I to complain. I chose to move in with the BF. I could have moved out anytime but I wanted to make sure that when I did make that move, I would never pay rent to anyone again.

What a great way to begin the new year. Of course it has been scary and quite an emotional roller-coaster. After living with someone for over a year, it takes some adjustment to being on your own again. Four days after I moved in, I came home to a flooded basement. Long story short, the neighbour next door did not turn off the valve to the outside tap and the pipes burst when the temperature went up that day. I remember sitting in my kitchen after I called my real estate agent, thinking what did I do.

It ended up not so bad after all. Things could have been much worse. The situation taught me that, yes, I can do things on my own. It reignited the sense of independence in me. I always knew that having my own home will allow me to be more adventurous in my goals of being an independent business owner. I knew that I needed a steady job to qualify for a mortgage. Now that I have one, the sky is the limit! I am free to pursue my dreams. Well, to an extent because now I have to make sure the mortgage is paid :)

I had previously wrote about how I was planning on making an effort to start on the business idea I've had for years. Well, it wasn't the right time or place a year ago. Now it is and I am excited again. And we can tell because I'm writing again. I have lots of ideas and this time I know it's going to be different.

What are you excited about for 2011? Do you have any dreams or goals you have put aside in the past? Could 2011 be your year as well?

A year of me

2010-07-13T08:59:00.003-04:00

So last month I decided to dedicate a year to focusing on me. I wanted to stop thinking about finding a new job or a new place to live or any other idea that comes to mind that made me want to do something just to find change. Change can be a good thing and I thrive on change. But lately I have come to realize that I might be a change addict. Stability and focus can be a good thing as well.

I wanted to see how things would work out if I simply ride things out. But I couldn't just settle for the everyday routine so I decided to focus on hobbies! I set a goal to run a half marathon. I signed up to run the Scotiabank Waterfront Half on September 26th 2010.

I am three weeks into my training routine and it feels great. It didn't always feel good. I remember the first week...the first time I went out for a run, I thought to myself why the hell did I have to tell everyone I was running a half. There was no way out. I had committed myself. But in hindsite, it was a good thing that I told everyone because that made me stick to that goal. I worked harder and simply took it one step at a time.

The second week, I went out for a 4 mile run on Sunday morning. I was worried but I told myself that I would finish the distance even if I walked the entire way. I took my time and actually ran the entire way without stopping! I was elated. This past Sunday, I was scheduled to run 5 miles and again I told myself I would take my time and I again, ran the entire way without stopping.

What else am I going to work on. I am going to write and blog more; and I'm going to learn how to crochet. I've got things that I want to create and it would be a fun business venture to begin.

Why am I doing all this? Well, for a long time I have been unsatisfied with my career. I've been switching jobs hoping to find something fulfilling. What I started to realize is that "jobs" in a traditional sense are not a means to find instrinsic fulfillment..at least not for me. So rather than run around from job to job, I decided to enjoy where I am right now and take the financial security that my current job provides and redirect my efforts for fulfillment towards things that I truly enjoy: writing, photography, and crafts.

We'll see where this journey will take me. It's been tough to curbe the urge to look for a new job. I struggle with that every day. But as I get more involved in my hobbies, I am slowly gaining more focus on these endeavours. Should be an interesting year. Either way, I'll be starting to write more again :)

My A-HA moment

2009-07-19T21:04:00.006-04:00

Good job, great boyfriend, no drama with the fam, and I'm doing well healthwise. I must say, things are going really well. It's been a long time coming. For a number of years, things have felt out of place. I'm not saying that things are perfect now. There are still areas of my life that I would like to improve but physically and, most importantly, mentally, I haven't felt this good since the year my mother was diagnosed with a brain tumour. It was then that my life turned upside down. Now, 12 years later, I can honestly say, I feel like myself again.

12 years ago, I embarked on one of the best journeys of my life. I travelled Australia and New Zealand on a solo trip for over five months. I was only 21. I had a lifetime ahead of me. Those were supposed to be the best years of my life. I returned from the trip a new person. I was energized and ready to take on the world. But, the universe had another plan for me. Over the next few years, I devoted my life to my family. Years after that, I spent finding myself again. It feels good to finally be here today.

How do I know that I am back? Well, for one thing, my job isn't all that I would hope it would be but I am reacting to it in a much different way. In the past, I would feel so unhappy and lost. I would spend my days searching for something more, a new job posting, a new career path, or a new educational program to pursue, hoping that I'll find that "job" that will help me feel fulfilled.

Today, I realize that it's really up to me to create that job for myself. Thinking back on my past, the best things that have happened in my life occured when I followed my heart. I didn't think, I didn't analyze, I just DID. Just like my trip to Australia, exactly like the time I got into mechanic school, and the time I decided to audition for a commercial. I did it all on a whim and those became the most memorable experiences I've had in my life so far.

Today I decided that I am going to start my own business. I thought of this business idea about 10 years ago. I did look into it a few times but never really followed through. I have made it my goal to accomplish something great in this lifetime. Why not? Why settle for the ordinary?

I've decided that I will document this. Writing and tracking my progress will be a demonstration of my commitment to my goal. I strongly believe that when you commit your heart to something, amazing things happen: doors open, opportunities appear, and things happen to help you succeed.

Good news about my health

2009-06-14T18:50:00.002-04:00

It's been about 6 months since I was diagnosed with Lupus Nephritis and a lot has happened. The latest good news is that when I went to see my rheumatologist a few weeks ago, she told me that my urine results are back to normal!! I was surprised, shocked, and so happy to hear the news.

She thinks it might have been the shingles that might have "reset" my immune system. In March, I had shingles. It was awful. Today, months later, I still have shots of pain run through me. I got them in the most awful place too; right between my butt cheeks. Did I say it was awful? But I guess it was a good thing because it gave my immune system something to fight.

My doctor also said that I probably got shingles due to the immuno-suppressants that I'm on. I figured. I've been sick a lot lately but still feel great regardless. I'm sure I'll be stronger once I'm off these drugs. She now has me on a reduction plan for the Prednisone. Yay!

It's funny because I have been feeling great lately. Everyone around me has been telling me that I look really good. I've lost a lot of weight and feel great. I'm actually back to my normal weight. I'm not sure if it was weight that I lost but I definitely feel less swollen.

I honestly think it has been the culmination of everything that I've done that has given me these positive results. I gave up drinking alcohol, became vegetarian, and made sure I took it easy when my body told me to. I also think it has a lot to do with how happy I am with my job.

I miraculously found a new job in March with a successful Japanese automaker. Since then, my spirits have been up because I enjoy what I do and am no longer stuck behind a desk, staring at a computer screen all day. I feel more productive and useful. I am getting the people-interaction that I thrive on. Overall, my new job has greatly impacted my mental well-being and I'm seeing the results in my health.

I am so, so grateful. I am continuing with all the lifestyle changes I've made. I'm a lot happier and healthier. I am also so grateful and thankful for the people around me who have been there to support me in so many different ways. I am most grateful for CM, who has been integral to my healing.

Hitting PAUSE and RESET

2009-02-05T14:06:00.001-05:00

On Friday, January 16th 2009, I was diagnosed with Lupus Nephritis which is one of the most serious manifestations of systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE). I've never openly discussed the medical problems I've been dealing with out of fear that this disease will become part of my identity. In a sense I wanted to avoid it, pretend that it doesn't exist and declare that it is not part of me.

That has not stopped it's progression. This diagnosis is a true wakeup call. The reality is, I am dealing with a potentially life-threatening disease. However, I see this as an opportunity to turn my life around and live differently. I've always thought that I didn't need more lessons in life after having dealt with my mother's illness for many years. But I guess the Universe somehow feels that this is something I have to go through.

Doctors have prescribed an aggressive approach to treatment: 25mg of Prednisone, 250mg of Chloroquine, 1000mg of CellCept (mycophenolate mofetil) along with Calcium supplements to offset the side effects of osteoperosis. All these drugs are basically immunosuppresents that tell my immune system to stop attacking my kidneys. Dealing with the immediate side effects have been difficult: anxiety, restlessness, fatigue, blurry vision, upset stomach, and a lack of appetite (which is surprising because the drugs are supposed to increase my appetite).

Having to think about death or the potential loss of quality-of-life over the next 30 to 40 years while I'm only in my 30s has changed my perspective on many things. I've always thought that I had a pretty good handle on my outlook on life but now I realize I don't. Today, I am forced to figure out what is truly important to me. I've been doing a lot of thinking and have shared my thoughts and fears with those closest to me. I haven't figured it all out just yet but I know that health is my number one priority and I need to change the way I live because what I've been doing is making my body fight itself.

For many years, I was solely focused on finding a career that fulfilled me. It's been a long and frustrating struggle. Today I now realize that part of that frustration is that what fulfills me cannot be found in the mechanical-non-emotional-disconnected corporate world. Everyday I've searched for opportunities to provide value, to care, and to be there for people, the project, the business, the greater-good-for-all. All that goes to waste because nobody cares. Most people work because they have to. They've found fulfillment in other areas of their lives and see work as just a means to an end.

The corporate world is not about the people. It's about the entity itself. People are just the mechanical parts that enable the entity to function. And that was killing me because I care. I truly care and love people and want the best for them. I truly care and love the idea of a successful business and want to be part of something great. Work is important to me. By "work" I mean contribution, helping others, motivating one another, and doing great things with your life. I've been looking for that fulfillment in all the wrong places.

My life so far has been set on automatic-PLAY. I've decided to press PAUSE and RESET. I've taken a leave-of-absence from work for the month of February to focus on my health and take the time to figure out what I'm going to do next. I'm going to take this time to do the things I love and rediscover things about myself that I might have forgotten. I thought I had it all figured out by my body is telling me otherwise. It's time for me to listen.

The next few months should be an interesting journey. If there's one thing I can take away from this moment is that our learning is never done. I am grateful that I do have this opportunity to turn things around but the key is that I need to do it NOW. There is no turning back if I go beyond this point. If I don't do this for myself, I am doing this for my sister and CM. I know they both love me very much and I'd like to be here for a very long time to keep bothering them with my idioyncrasies that only they love and laugh at.

In sharing my story I hope that people will be brave enough to hit that PAUSE and RESET button without having to face illness or death. If you feel that you're not in control and that life is taking you somewhere you don't want to go, I encourage you to hit PAUSE. Take the time to re-examine your life and take it in the direction that you want, especially since you have your health.

Essence of holiday spirit

2008-12-18T10:47:00.013-05:00

The holiday season is usually a busy time of year for all. Shopping, parties, and family gatherings fill our time and our calendars. Personally, this year, all the hustle and bustle has made me stop to reflect and think about the meaning of it all, more so than in past years.

I have been fortunate that for most of my life, the holiday season has always been just another holiday season. Although, in the past, I have taken the time to be conscious about consumerism and those less fortunate, this year is much different. My thoughts seem to be centered around those who have passed, as well as thanks for all the blessings I have in my life.

Although, in the past, I have attended funerals and have been a source of support for those who have lost someone, I have never had anyone close to me pass away. This year was a first for me and that was with the passing of Uncle Peter. I regretted not being able to say goodbye. My heart ached and for the first time, I truly felt a sense of loss. Then in recent weeks, my beloved Leia passed away. Her passing has been the most difficult. She was more than just a dog to me. She was someone very special in my life. I miss her so much and it has been very difficult to welcome this holiday season.

These feelings of loss and heartache is mixed with a sense of belonging and joy for the other love of my life, CM. A long time ago, when it was told that if you write out a list of what you want in a partner and you will find him, I wrote a list of my own. Today, as I look through that long and detailed list, he checks off every single item. The beauty of it all is that his qualities add much more to the list than I ever expected.

Along with his wonderful self, CM brings with him a very large and colourful mix of extended family members. I am especially grateful for his mother and brother, both of whom I get along with very well. It has always been a dream of mine to have a large extended family and through him, that dream has come true. As you can see, my life is very full and I have every reason to be happy.

So how do I consolidate this mix of emotion? I miss those who are not here and my heart aches for them especially with the holiday season. Yet, my heart overfills with joy whenever I am around the people I hold dear. There is not one answer but I wholely believe in my heart that those who have passed help remind us to hold those we have still here, that much closer. That is the gift they gave us. Through the lives of Uncle Peter, Leia, Rick Mongeon, Auntie Marie, and others, I am reminded of what is truly important in life--appreciating the people that are in my life.

This holiday season, more so than before, I look forward to spending time with family, new family members, and always remembering those who have passed.

Leia :: June 15, 1996 - December 03, 2008

2008-12-07T21:57:00.004-05:00

Ever since you went away, I have hoped and wished for a way to know that you are ok. For days my heart has been aching to see you and hold you in my arms again. I asked you for a sign. It was just a thought. But I quickly told myself it would be futile to think that way.

But today you sent me a message--a little rainbow amidst the clear, blue, and sunny afternoon sky. It's difficult to describe the feeling I felt but I felt something in my heart. I know it was you letting me know that you are fine and that I should no longer be sad.

I know in my heart that you are healthy and happy where you are. You are in a place where there is plenty of sunshine and there is a huge backyard for you to run and play in. I imagine you rolling in the grass because that was one of your favourite things to do. I see you running and playing with OJ, Hairy (yes, it's spelled that way), Candy, and Miko...and many other furry family members who are loved and missed by those here on Earth.

My heart warms to see you happy. You lived a full life. In human terms, you would have lived to a ripe old age of 84! Thank you for all the love and joy that you have brought to each one of our lives. You have touched many hearts. You have been the glue that has always brought our family together. Even in your passing you have helped us realize how important family is. We put aside all our issues and came together for you.

You came unexpectedly into our lives almost 13 years ago. You have been a vital part of our lives. We miss you dearly. But if there is one thing you have taught me, you showed me how to live in the present. To honour your life, and the joy and happiness you brought into my life, I will remember that lesson. I will remember to live in the present.

Thank you Leia and I love you. We will see each other someday. Until then, you will forever be in my heart.

Master Cleanse - Take 3

2008-11-13T09:55:00.003-05:00

For the past few months, I've been complacent about my health. Everything I used to do that kept me healthy, I stopped doing: rest, yoga, and taking Omega-3s. As a result, I got some not so great news from my rheumatologist. She said they found protein in my urine which is abnormal. BUT, results are not conclusive and I need to do a repeat test. I'm not freaking out because I've had a positive result for protein in my urine before but I am taking this seriously.

It's a wake up call that I need to be conscientious about my health. I did not get 100% better before I started to let things go. Biotherapy only helped with my symptoms but it did not cure me. I know what I need to do and I need to trust myself. My doctor wants to put me on medication that could result in blindness. I'm not willing to take that risk. I'm going to give myself a month or two to see if I can get better results the natural way.

I started the Master Cleanse and am on my fourth day. I figured it would be good to start with a clean slate. I've done the cleanse before and it helped so I'm doing it again. This time I'm going for the full 10 days. In the past, I've only made it to five. It's much easier this time to achieve my goal because I'm living on my own. In the past, when I was at home, I would smell food that my parents were cooking for meals. That was tough.

I've also started taking Omega-3s again and am doing yoga regularly. I am also listening to my body and resting when I need to. Doing all this, I am confident that I will recover. I've managed to lower my anti-body counts in the past and this time, I am going to eliminate them completely.

It's my health and it's up to me to take care of myself. I need to do this not only for myself, but for those who love me. I don't want them to worry and I want to live a long and healthy life with them.

Man is hunter

2008-10-11T08:54:00.006-04:00

Somehow I've become famous for my advice to other women when it comes to men. Well, maybe it isn't me that's so famous but more so my words of wisdom. Whenever I find myself in a setting where women are discussing men, more often that not, I find myself uttering the same indisputable advice, "man is hunter." Recently I was asked, what does that really mean. So I thought I needed to make myself clear.

Whenever a woman meets a man that she finds attractive, more often that not, she begins obsessing about him. I hate to use the words obsess but it is unfortunately accurate. According to Dictionary.com

obsess
ob-sess [uh b-ses]
verb (used with an object) ~ to dominate or preoccupy the thoughts, feelings, or desires of (a person): She obsessively wondered why he hasn't called.

When a woman realizes that man is hunter, she knows that she doesn't need to do anything to make a man interested. He will pursue/hunt her because that is his nature. He WILL go after what he desires. If he isn't calling her, he isn't interested. If she's wondering and thinking about him when he isn't around, she is obsessing.

I'm not saying that you're supposed to act like a powerless, helpless piece of prey. Quite the contrary. The analogy is there to illustrate how a man thinks. You're actually empowered by that knowledge

As a hunter, man is driven by the thrill of the hunt. This isn't news to many of us. Maybe some of us just need to hear it again in a more appropriate context. The harder he works for you, the more of a prize you are to him. He will not do anything to jeopardize a prize he worked so hard to get.

It's all about balance. If you are not a challenge, he will move on. If you're playing the hard-to-get game, he will move on. Men are simple. They don't know how to read the hard-to-get game. They get confused and move on.

So how do you balance it all? Well, it's simple. Focus on you. Look around you and enjoy everything that is in your life: family, work, friends. Think about things that you want to do and accomplish: career, hobbies, fitness, travel. Get out there and do things for yourself.

If a man comes along, treat him like a woman. He is now your new girl friend. He asks, "would you like to meet for drinks?" You reply, "sure." But this time, it doesn't matter how hot he is or how you will look like for that meeting or whether you're gonna kiss at the end of the night. You wouldn't think that if that were a new girl-friend so why him. Go out. Have fun. At the end of the night..."Thank you. I had a great time. See you later," says the positive, happy, and I-have-so-much-in-my-life-aren't-you-lucky-to-get-some-of-my-time you.

No need to mention "call me sometime" or whatever. If he's interested he will call. In the mean time, continue doing what you were doing before, which was focusing on your life and all the great things around you. Create opportunities for yourself.

If you enjoyed the company of your new girl friend and he's a fun person to be around, sure go ahead and give him a call to meet up. But unlike real girls, I doubt he'll enjoy shopping or sitting around in a coffee shop all day. Introduce him to what you've been doing. Maybe it's golfing or climbing or photography. That's the beauty of having a full life, you can share it with others.

It's a great time in your life to be SELFISH. How lucky are you to be able to be selfish. You go where you want to go; you live where you want to live; you take whatever job promotion there is without having to factor someone else into your decision. It's great!!! Enjoy it and take advantage of it while you can.

It's about YOU right now. Just look at your other girlfriends with a partner and maybe even kids. As great as their lives maybe, trust me, they are just a little envious of your independent and wonderful selfish lifestyle. Go get 'em girl. And remember...

MAN IS HUNTER.

Adventures in biotherapy

2008-09-23T19:52:00.005-04:00

As some of you may know, I was diagnosed with mixed-connective tissue disorder about two years ago. This non-specific diagnosis has plagued me and affected many areas of my life. In the past, I have always been active, taking part in sports and always on the go. With this so-called illness, I have learned to listen to my body and rest whenever I needed to.

So what is this mixed-connective tissue disorder you ask? Well, basically, doctors have not been able to pin-point just ONE illness. I am presenting with a variety of symptoms that point to a few disorders like lupus and sjogren's syndrome. Don't bother Googling them because the descriptions are awful.

Yes, I have learned to slow down and appreciate the quiet moments in life but I still want to get out there and DO THINGS!!! It's all about balance and I have learned that. It's time it went away for good. I want my health back!

Since my diagnosis, I've tried a variety of alternative healing methods. I saw an acupuncturist, went to hot yoga daily, and made other lifestyle changes to benefit my health. I did see results in my blood test; the levels of that certain antibody that is measured to indicate an autoimmune disorder were much lower. But the levels were still high when compared to a normal individual.

So today I tried something new. I went to see a biotherapist, Pawel Polonecki. What a sweet man. I heard about him through my sister's in-laws. Pawel is usually based in Europe; particularly in Poland, where he is from. He comes to Toronto a few times a year and I have been anticipating his return. The moment I found out he was back, I made an appointment.

I had my first appointment today and will return in one week. Read his website to find out more about him and biotherapy. It was an interesting experience. It's hard to describe the feelings I felt when he was reading and, I guess, fixing my energy. Right now I feel very calm and relaxed. Maybe even a little tired. Pawel said this is expected.

I'm optimistic and hopeful that I will be pain-free again. This winter I would really like to go snowboarding again. It has been ages since I've been able to enjoy the cold weather. I hope that this winter, I will be able to do so.

My Uncle Peter

2008-06-18T13:29:00.004-04:00

We met when I was just a year old. The entire Larter family showed up at our doorstep in Malaysia. You picked me up and I hugged you and said, "My Uncle Peter." It was love at first sight. Our families kept in touch all these years. Mom and Auntie Jan always wrote. Over the years, your family grew and I grew up.

I remember visiting you and Auntie Jan in Australia over 10 years ago. You both welcomed me to your home. We would share stories at the dinner table. You encouraged me as I traveled all over Australia and New Zealand. What I remember most was the story you told me about how and why you fell in love with Auntie Jan.

You told me how you asked her out on a date. You said that usually girls would be indecisive about what they wanted to do. But not Auntie Jan. She told you exactly what she wanted to do and from that moment onward, you knew she was the one for you.

I will always remember the love you shared between the two of you. I can still see the way you both looked at each other. I hope to share that with someone someday, and actually, I think I have found the one.

This is my one regret, that you will never meet him. More so, I am so sad that he will never meet you. I miss you Uncle Peter. Why did you have to go so soon? I wish that when I found out you were sick that I had flown out to see you. I wish I could have said good-bye.

It's so hard to comprehend that I will never see you again. What comes after this, I don't know. It doesn't matter anyway. I wish you were still here. I wish you were here for me to tell you everything I didn't get to say. I miss you. I miss you so much...

My Uncle Peter.

It happens when you least expect it

2008-04-28T08:18:00.008-04:00

We met through work and became fast friends. You would meet me for dinner whenever it was an event night. We would walk the busy concourse together, looking for something tasty to eat. Even though our dinners were complimentary, we would pretend to buy each other dinner.

You would often stay late after work and help me with mine. We would walk the empty concourse and talk about everything. I shared my joys and frustrations. You listened and offered your thoughts. As I look back now, I see the signs that I never saw before. There was a brush of hands, a light arm over the shoulder, and smiles that told me how you felt about me.

We would meet with friends after work for drinks. It would always be you and me waiting on the rest. That was fine because it was then that we started to get to know one another. I thought you were a great man. I wanted to set you up with my best friend. Little did I know, I was the one for you.

The first Sunday we shared together will always be a special day. We were two friends spending time together. I wanted to take you to a special place for brunch but when we got there the place was no longer open for brunch! The horror! But we improvised and ended up in a sweet Portuguese bakery where we shared hot pressed sandwiches and cappuccino. We shared stories about our lives and our families.

Then we wandered through Yorkville. We pretended to be a couple shopping for a ring at Tiffany's! What a wonderful play of pretend. I had a great time. We capped the day off by renting a movie and ordering Chinese. The entire day was not planned. We were just going for brunch. The memories bring forward vivid feelings of joy and happiness even as I write this.

You offered to take me out for dinner. I agreed thinking it would be just another night out with a good friend. You asked if I wanted to know where we were going or let it be a surprise. A surprise? People plan surprises only for those who are very special to them. Am I someone special to you? Up till then, I never realized. You also told me you had something else for me. Another surprise?

I knew then there was something more going on. I was confused. Did I want this to happen? What about our friendship? I truly treasured our friendship and never wanted to lose that. But a little voice in my head told me to enjoy it and let every moment happen.

You got me a Raptor's playoff t-shirt! Only you would know me well enough to know how happy that would make me. No need for flowers, this girl would prefer sports any day. We enjoyed our dinner and as I sat across the table from you, I started to realize how lucky I was to have such a wonderful man adore me.

Every time you look at me, I know you truly see me. I have never had someone look at me the way you do. I can honestly say, I have never felt this way before. Is this the love that everyone talks about? Is it happening to me? You have been an unexpected surprise. How did you happen to come into my life without me seeing it?

True friendships are hard to find, as well as true love. But to find the two combined is even more rare. To think that I might be blessed with both makes me thankful for you. I look forward to many more Sundays shared with you.

Living in the present

2008-02-08T08:01:00.000-05:00

A good friend once told me that "life isn't about finding yourself; life is about creating yourself." I thought that was beautiful. But it has only been in the last few days that I've truly understood what that saying meant. I believe that it ties in with another familiar saying that "life is about the journey."

For years I've always looked ahead. I told myself, "when I find a career that I enjoy," "when I have found someone to create a life with," "when I've bought my own place," it was always "when." Only "when" I've achieved my goals will I be happy and ready to live life. I didn't realize that I was missing out on the life I was living while I was busy making plans (another familiar saying).

Many who are close to me know that I haven't been satisfied with the work I am doing right now. I have two jobs and cannot find fulfillment in either. I'm at home, living with my parents and wishing for the day I can afford to buy my own home. In a sense, I'm stuck. I am waiting to find that career that will not only provide intrinsic reward but also allow me to afford my own home. Realistically, if I'm waiting for that moment, I'm going to be waiting for a long time; not forever, but at least another 2-5 years. I'm not going to find a fulfilling career or be able to buy a house overnight.

I've been living with that state of mind for the past year. Which has me feeling frustrated almost everyday! What torture I've been putting myself through. I was waiting for the day that everything would fall into place. Only then will I be happy and ready to live life.

Thankfully, it finally dawned on me that if I continue holding that perspective, I'm going to wake up one day and realize I've missed out on a lot. And the funny thing I just realized as I write this is, that is exactly what I've worked so hard to avoid. I saw setting goals as a way I could avoid waking up one day and wondering how I got here. I have seen and heard so many people say, "this is not how I pictured my life. How did I end up here?" That had me scared. I didn't want to be one of them.

So I kept making plans. I thought to myself, "if I did this, I would be ok." "Only once I've achieved that will I be ok." "Only once I've reached my goals can I breath easy and live my life." I wanted to control my environment and have everything set the way I envisioned. Only then will I be ready to live life.

Today, I have come to realize that life doesn't work that way. It is truly about the journey and it's important to live in the present. Life is happening right now! What a realization! This realization has changed my perspective drastically. No more postponing life. No more postponing happiness. No more trying so hard to completely control all aspects of my life.

It is truly about the journey and creating myself. Everything I've done makes me who I am today. So what if I am not completely satisfied with my jobs. It'll make it that much sweeter when I do find a career that makes me happy. So what if I'm "wasting my money" and renting a place. I need my own freedom and space right now and renting gives me that opportunity. AND I have two crappy jobs to support myself!

So yes, I'm brimming with joy with this realization. I have so much to be thankful for and I know I'm going to be ok.

Meaningful work

2007-09-20T10:43:00.000-04:00

For months I've been trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. The work I'm doing right now has made me realize that it is important to me to be doing something that provides more value. By value I mean more than the bottom line. I want my work to mean something and make a difference. I don't want to be writing documentation that is not valued nor read by people. I want my voice and opinions to matter. I want to be able to use my knowledge and experience to make decisions that make a difference. I want to be more involved rather than tucked away in a dark cubicle.

In my search for meaningful work, I started taking steps backwards. I looked into dentistry, teaching, and even law again. All the reasons why I chose not to go down those paths before were still there; but I was still looking to do something to help others. That is why I was adamant about dentistry. At the time, I felt it was the best and only fit. However, I know my passion has always been teaching but I never want to be a teacher. So what do I do about that?

My sister helped counsel me. She said she saw me in a role where I taught in a corporate environment. That lead me to look into the area of learning and development. Through my research I found that it was an HR role. I did not want to go back to school to get a post grad in HR because the courses covered areas of HR that I was not interested in. Another option to get into learning and development is to get a certificate in the subject area but I didn't feel that the programs I found were comprehensive enough.

After a few weeks of searching, thinking, and obsessing about it, I decided to relax; I needed to breath more and allow things to come naturally. But I was just so afraid of becoming complacent; I didn't want to end up in a career that I didn't love, only to realize it 20-30 years from now when it is too late to make a change. However, I had to trust myself that I would not allow that to happen. I had to know myself enough to realize that I would never be someone who settled for less. So I took it easy. I decided that I would enjoy my time here at IBM and learn as much as I could. Most people find themselves in similar situations in their early 20s when they first get out of university. I'm at that stage...only later in life. So technically, I am on the right track.

A few weeks ago I happened to find EXACTLY what I'm going to do once I complete my internship. I found a Masters program at Concordia University in Education Technology. Here is a description of the program from the university's website.

The master's program in Educational Technology prepares a new breed of educator who can identify educational problems and apply new developments in psychology, information/communication and technology, management theory or systems analysis to solve them. The program prepares people for work as consultants, producers and evaluators of educational media, designers of instructional materials and systems, managers of learning resources, educational planners, and knowledge engineers in educational institutions and corporate or governmental training systems.

This is exactly what I want to do. The beauty of it is that the program has an internship option. I get to work with industry partners and apply the knowledge I gain from the program to real life. Plus, it is a step forward; I will be getting my M.A. rather than going backwards and taking more undergrad courses. AND I'll set myself apart from others who posses only a certificate in learning and development. And the bonus is I get to live in beautiful Montreal (I've never been there before).

I am extremely excited and hope I get in. I'll have a few months to learn French. Once I'm in, those who know me will have a place to stay when visiting moi in Montreal!!!

In loving memory

2007-09-20T10:18:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I attended the funeral of two very special people, Vanessa and Isabel DiCeglie. They both worked for the City at Rivergrove (where I worked for many years) and attended York University, both majoring in French. I had the opportunity to meet Vanessa a few months ago when I went to visit the pool staff and drop off magazines for them to read.

She was delightful. Those eyes and that infectious smile. She was a sweetheart. I can clearly see it in my mind, she was so happy and thankful that I brought in magazines. It was as if I brought great presents; they were just magazines. Such a simple gesture made her so happy; it made me happy. I still remember the feeling so clearly in my heart of how good she made me feel.

I was in shock when I found out about the accident and my heart broke to hear about their deaths. Vanessa, at 19, and Isabel, at 23, were just blooming into the beautiful women they would have become. In times like these, we are reminded of how truly precious and fragile life is. I honour their memory by living with a little more patience and more love in my heart.

Feeling the love

2007-07-25T09:46:00.000-04:00

Pictures from my b'day get together at the Madison are up. I had such a great time and so did everyone else who was there. I felt really special that night; I was surrounded by people who love me :) I realize how important social support is to well-being. I am doing very well health-wise and my spirits are high. I am truly blessed and am so thankful for the people around me.

Staying friends with an ex

2007-07-23T08:23:00.001-04:00

I've often wondered how two people can remain friends after their relationship dissolves; or the better question would be why? When I use the term "friends," I mean that the two individuals involved not only remain amicable to one another but also spend quality time together: dinners, movies, and nights out on the town. Is there a need that is fulfilled by this arrangement and are the two truly just friends?

I'm usually the love 'em and leave 'em kinda gal. When it's over, it's over. There's no need to drag things out; simply learn from the past and move on. However, when my most recent ex got in touch with me after about a year of no contact, I thought why not try to be friends. After a few friendly phone calls, I thought this might just work. But I was wrong. As soon as we met in person, I knew he wanted something more. However, I remained optimistic. I kept my distance and allowed more time to pass whilst tying to do this friend thing. Unfortunately, nothing has changed and it's time to cut the cord.

This experience has solidified my belief that if two people who were formerly in a relationship remain friends, there is usually one person who still pines for the other; and I believe that the other person knows that. Therefore, my conclusion is that the other person keeps the "piner" around because the desire that may or may not be oh so subtle, definitely strokes the ego. In the end, there's an underlying emotional tug-of-war going on between the two that I want no part of. Especially if I'm dating, or potentially dating someone who is still "friends" with the ex.

Therefore, the whole friends-with-the-ex thing is a huge red flag to me. Unless you have children involved, I see no reason for someone to be hanging out with their ex on a regular basis. Some might deny that there are underlying emotions involved but I'd urge them to take a closer look.

Internet etiquette and Facebook

2007-05-01T09:45:00.000-04:00

In the news today, the media is talking about yet another group of students that have been reprimanded for posting derogatory comments on Facebook about their teachers. I am all for free speech but I believe with freedom comes accountability.

When email began to gain popularity, it became a communication tool that made keeping in touch easy; however, without proper guidelines for use, mistakes were made. Individuals would write whatever came to mind without realizing the consequences. This led to the establishment of rules and guidelines for email etiquette that helped curb misuse and abuse. People soon learned to think twice before simply clicking 'SEND.'

Through observations of the past, it may be noted that as a society encounters change, for example in the way people socially interact with one another, there usually is a period of adjustment. Soon after the introduction of change, the pendulum may shift to the extreme which serves to challenge the boundaries of what is socially acceptable and what is not. As a society experiments with these challenges of change, rules and guidelines are established to help clearly distinguish between right and wrong. These rules and guidelines remind individuals that there now are consequences for going beyond the established boundaries.

We live in an age where communication is becoming less personal, as demonstrated by the communication tools we use everyday. Email, instant messaging, and even the cell phone limit our face-to-face contact with others. As a result, we are losing the personal contact that reminds us that on the receiving end there is another human being. It's easy to say what you feel in an email or blog without thinking about how the reader will respond. All we have is a blank screen and our words on a page.

Yes, we all have said unkind words about a teacher or someone else to others in our lives but the difference here is that when it is written, especially on an internet medium, the consequences can be far greater. Words said in haste exchanged between one or two people is very different from posting blasphemous comments that can be read by hundreds, thousands, or even millions of readers. The latter can be far more damaging for all involved.

Soon we will probably see rules and guidelines established for social networking sites like Facebook. Hopefully, this will remind those who use such sites that with the freedom of expression comes individual responsibility and accountability, and that we should all take a step towards personalizing communication again and keep in mind the person on the receiving end.

My friend Kevin M.

2007-04-28T15:27:00.000-04:00

On Friday, I met Kevin for lunch at Baton Rouge in North York. I have not seen Kevin in years. We met randomly and have kept in touch over time. He is an example of someone who inspires me. He is a good man in many ways. He is kind, gentle, and giving; he is intelligent, powerful, and successful; yet, he is humble, considerate, and caring.

Through the years he has taken the time to listen, share his thoughts, and encourage me in all my endeavours. Although we do not keep in touch everyday or even on a regular basis, I know that he is my friend. When I call someone my friend, that person is someone that I respect and care about; they know me and genuinely accept me for who I am .

I am fortunate to call him my friend.

Kevin on his honeymoon in Bora Bora

Punctuality...is it no longer valued?

2007-04-28T14:51:00.000-04:00

Recently, at work, I've noticed that nothing starts on time; meetings begin about 10-15 minutes late, people show up late to meetings all the time, and on two occasions I had no shows for 1-on-1 meetings.

This phenomena started to get me thinking about punctuality outside of work. Last weekend, my friend Maria was planning a surprise party for her boyfriend Pedro. We were supposed to show up at the club between 10 and 10:30pm. I was there at around 9:45pm because I did not want to be that person to ruin the surprise. When I get there, the club wasn't even open yet. So I waited outside and talked with a couple of bouncers who were nice enough to keep me company. Time goes by and no one has shown up. I decide to call Maria to see if I may have gotten the plans mixed up.

Of course, Pedro picks up so I had to bullshit and keep my cool at the same time. I finally get Maria on the phone and she's able to get the message across that I did get things right and they were on their way. So I make my way into the club and get myself a drink. (I needed one by this time.) There were only a handful of people in the club; thankfully, one of the promoters was nice enough to keep me company.

To keep a long story short, at around 11:30 I see Pedro roll in with his brothers and friends. I do my best to hide; I make my way out the front doors and call Maria. She says they are pulling up. So 15 minutes later I meet up with her and we get the party started.

To get to the point of my story, I am wondering, is punctuality no longer valued? Meeting at 7pm doesn't mean 7pm anymore; it now means 7:30, maybe 8, or maybe even 9--it depends on the individual.

I think people should be more considerate and aware that if you make plans for a specific time, you should meet those commitments. If you're not able to, get in touch with the other person and let them know.

I'm not faulting my friend Maria at all. My own sister does this to me all the time. And honestly, if you take the time to pay attention, this lack of punctuality happens all the time--everywhere. It seems to have become an acceptable social practice--to be fashionably late. Personally, it signals a lack of organization and consideration.

So I propose that people become more aware and at least try to honour their words and not keep others waiting. I think this will do a lot to promote respect, consideration, and simply, an honouring of someone else's precious time; we all know there's precious little of it in a day :)

Wishing for the sun

2007-04-11T21:17:00.000-04:00

I am sick of the cold; no more snow and rain! Boo! I want the summer now. I wish I could get away to a beach or something. Here's pic of 505 Beach in Maui. Wishing I was there.

The phases of Facebook

2007-04-02T12:59:00.000-04:00

Skepticism
At first you're against joining another one of these online communities. Knowing that there have been many similar sites that have come by before: Friendster, MySpace, etc. You resisted joining or might have joined and realized they were just hype. So this time, you're NOT going to join.

Surrender
So you finally give in and join Facebook. Every detail that you fill out in the registration process has you doubtful but you go ahead with it anyway. Now you're ready to add friends.

Surprise
You are shocked by who you find on Facebook. Wow. This is kinda neat!

Excitement
Look at all the people you're catching up with! Friends from highschool, people you haven't seen in decades, old loves, and people you've lost touch with over the years. It's so interesting to see what everyone's been up to.

Addiction
You search and read and search and read. It's amazing to read about what people have been up to. So, what has so and so accomplished in life? Interesting. Kids, married life, career, wow. Holy less than six degrees of separation!! It's a small world.

Facebook Anonymous
You know you're addicted. Work should ban this site. People are on the site when they should be working, including you. You spend hours looking at people's profiles. So addictive.

Reality
After some messaging back and forth, you realize you don't have much in common with most of the people you have just got in touch with. You've maintained ties with those that you've been close to and have no need for Facebook to keep in touch with them. You might remain in contact with one or two that you just reconnected with but the reality is people lose touch for a reason. The things that kept you close before are not enough; your goals and values in life either grow or remain stagnant and that drives you in different directions.

Loathing
(I'm at this point.) I cannot stand the site. Yes it's interesting and fun and it's a great way to reconnect but if you're friends already, why the need to use the site for communication. Why not call or use regular email? Why do couples have to write on one another's wall? "Thank you honey. You're so awesome. I love you." Why not just tell them face-to-face or over the phone?

I can't seem to put my finger on an exact reason why but I really do not like the site anymore. Maybe it's the mass appeal and the mask that some people put on. Mainly, I don't like the pretension of some and they get away with it due to the very nature of an online community.

Updated: April 3rd 2007
Denouement
I no longer hold any feelings toward the site; I am impartial. I think it's great for getting in touch with people and though some may use it to boost their sense of self, it doesn't bother me anymore. It is what it is; just another Web 2.0 community.

Sonnet XIV

2007-03-12T17:42:00.000-04:00

by Elizabeth Barrett Browning from Sonnets from the Portuguese

If thou must love me, let it be for nought
Except for love's sake only. Do not say,
"I love her for her smile--her look--her way
Of speaking gently,--for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day" --
For these things in themselves, Beloved, may
Be changed, or change for thee,--and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry,--
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!
But love me for love's sake, that evermore
Thou mayest love on, through love's eternity.

Leia snoring

2007-03-04T12:38:00.000-05:00

This is what I have to put up with everynight. Somehow a cricket got into my room so it provides a funny soundtrack to this clip.

Black and White Cupcakes

2007-03-04T12:10:00.000-05:00

I baked today. We're having a family gathering tonight. We've never celebrated the last day of Chinese New Year before; I guess it was just an excuse to have the in-laws over.

Vacation infatuation

2007-03-01T08:34:00.000-05:00

You often hear of people who have just come back from vacation proclaiming their desire to move to whatever country they just visited. This phenomenon is quite common. I experienced it myself when I was travelling in my early twenties. I had the desire to move to Australia and to BC, Canada.
However, what I've found is that there is a change in perspective as you travel when you are older; especially if you are fortunate enough to experience foreign culture from the grassroots level. What I've learned is that everyday life is everyday life even if you're living in paradise. No longer do you see the foreign land with rose-coloured lenses.

When you have bills to pay, a job to maintain, and other mundane everyday activities to do, everyday is everyday. The newness of the exotic beach you have access to will soon wear off; the nights of partying with friends in different pubs soon becomes a drain on the pocket book.

What we do have to keep in mind is that some of us are fortunate enough to escape our everyday and find excitement in someone else's everyday. That is something we should be thankful for, the opportunity to travel. Everyday life is mundane; that is reality. You cannot expect fun, excitement, and constant fulfillment in everything you do everyday. Somedays are bad, most days are average, and many are wonderful.

The grass is not always greener on the other side. For me, what is most important is having my family close by. Being able to share moments with each one of them makes the everyday worthwhile. (And when they start to drive me crazy, I can escape to some exotic island to get away.)

We've all been there

2007-02-19T21:55:00.000-05:00

Recently, there seems to be a slew of stories about women on the brink of insanity. The most recent being, America's beloved pop princess, Britney Spears. Prior to her, a few weeks ago we had esteemed astronaut, Lisa Nowak.

It's easy to point the finger, shaking our heads, while asking the question, "What were these women thinking?" All I have to say is that we've all been there. Maybe not to this extreme but we've all had our low points in our lives.

We are fortunate that our past has not been examined under the same scrutiny that these women are facing. We probably only have ourselves cringing at the memory of our less-than-glamourous points in our lives.

I'll be the first to admit that I've been there. I was at a very low point in my life not too long ago. Those who know me, know that I have been through a lot over the years. The build up of all the events greatly impacted my life and my health. As a result, I behaved in ways unlike my usual self.

I was lost, hurt, and unhappy.

During that time, I met someone that I would have like to have gotten to know better. He was a really great guy or so he seemed. He had a great sense of humour and I believe we shared similar values. We shared good times for a very short period until I drove him away. I was sad for awhile but I have learnt to forgive myself. I now realize that I was not myself and it was just bad timing.

Regardless, here I am today. I thank my family and closest friends for understanding and sticking by me. I thank them for seeing past the insanity and being there for me as I came around.

So, what I hope for these women is that their families stick by them and support them. The rest of the world should be more understanding. For, it is not our place to judge and we should let them be. Somehow, I believe that they are both hurt and unhappy. My hope is that they both find their way through this difficult period in their lives; my thoughts and prayers are with them.

Chinese New Year

2007-02-18T16:19:00.000-05:00

Beginning February 18th 2007 till February 6th 2008 is the year of the pig.

The eve of CNY is probably the high point of the celebration as that is when relatives gather, from far and near, for a reunion dinner. It is a time to rekindle family ties and enjoy sumptously prepared meals.

On New Year's day, ceremonial candles are lit, incense burned, and new clothes (red is the custom) worn. Greetings of "kong hee fatt choy" are made, which literally means "Happy New Year." Visits are made to relatives, friends, and neighbours to exchange wishes for health and good fortune.

Guests arrive bearing gifts of mandarin oranges which symbolize gold. It is also customary for married couples to give children and unmarried adults money inserted in red packets known as ang pow (which means "red packet"), as a gesture of wealth and good health. (I think this is probably the only time I'm happiest being single, just kidding!)

There are also taboos and beliefs, some of which are spiritual in nature, that must be observed. For example, traditionally, feasting generally goes on for 15 days. A break is taken on the third day where most businesses remain closed and visits to relatives and friends are discouraged.

Also, no one is allowed to sweep the floors on New Year's day as it is considered unlucky; doing so might result in one sweeping away one's good fortune for the new year. What is believed to bring good fortune and ward off evil is the lion which, according to legend, was the only animal that managed to wound the Nian.

In Chinese mythology, the Nian is a beast that arrives in the spring and would come to China and eat up the people it saw. The Chinese tradition of decorating in red, burning firecrackers, and the lion dance with loud drums and gongs was to scare away the beast.

The 15th and final day of the Lunar New Year is known as Chap Goh Meh (in Malaysia). The term is from the Hokkien dialect and translates to literally mean fifteenth day of the first month. It is the occasion of the first full moon of the New Year.

The occasion is marked by more feasting and festivities. In traditional Chinese culture, the day is celebrated as the Latern Festival; it should not be confused with the Mid-Autumn Festival which is also known as the Lantern Festival in Hong Kong, Singapore, and Malaysia.

The Lantern Festival is a very sacred, happy, and joyful festival. Children go out at night carrying bright candle-lit lanterns. The brightest lanterns were symbolic of good luck and hope.

Traditionally, the date once served as a day for love and matchmaking. Matchmakers acted busily in hopes of pairing couples and young people were charperoned in the streets in hopes of finding love.

Leia's Bath

2007-02-17T08:59:00.000-05:00

Leia doesn't really like taking baths so getting her to stay in the tub can be a challenge:

She may not like it, but I love giving her baths. I see it as a time for bonding:

You can see why I like it more than she does:

Look at my baby all clean:

She's ever so keen to get out of the tub:

She helps dry herself off with the towel:

Almost done:

Attempts for freedom:

All clean and cozy, taking a nap:

All this was in preparation for Chinese New Year. On the first day, you're not supposed to clean or do any work. That includes showers and even cooking, specifically you're not to use a knife. All these superstitions have something to do with luck. If you clean, you wash away the new luck the new year has brought in.

More Outdoor Fun

2007-02-14T16:22:00.000-05:00

Valentine's Snow Day

2007-02-14T09:53:00.000-05:00

She did not want to stay outside.

Sunday Night Dinners

2007-02-11T18:03:00.000-05:00

In exchange for my parents having to put up with me living at home (though they love me being home), I offered to be the designated Sunday cook. I miss cooking and it gives them both a break from the kitchen so we all gain from this arrangement. On the menu today is Rachel Ray's You-Won't-Be-Single-For-Long Vodka Cream Pasta: a tribute to this week's V-day celebrations. It is a simple recipe actually and it was a lot of fun to cook.

Ingredients
Course salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste
12 ounces pasta, such as penne rigate
1 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil
1 tbsp butter
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 shallots, minced
1 cup vodka
1 cup chicken broth
1 can (28 oz) crushed tomatoes
1/2 cup heavy cream
20 leaves fresh basil, shredded or torn
Crusty bread

Put a large pot of water over high heat for the pasta. When the water boils, add salt and penne. Cook according to package directions to al dente. Drain

Cutting the shallots made me cry.

Here we have the minced shallots and garlic, along with the shredded basil.

Meanwhile, heat a large skillet over medium heat. Add olive oil, garlic, butter, and shallots. Gently saute garlic and shallots to develop their sweetness.

Add vodka and cook to reduce by half.

Be careful not to inhale the evaporating vodka. It might be an interesting way to do vodka but it almost made me choke.

Add chicken broth and tomatoes. Bring sauce to a bubble, then reduce heat to simmer. Season with salt and pepper.

(In my drunken stupor, I forgot to take pictures of the sauce and the next few steps.)

Stir cream into the vodka sauce. When sauce returns to a bubble, remove from heat. Toss hot pasta with sauce and basil leaves. Serve immediately along with crusty bread. Yum!

An easy, quick recipe.

Proper Documentation Does Not Make Up For Poor Design

2007-02-09T15:23:00.000-05:00

For my friends in ID:

Store Hours

2007-02-09T15:21:00.000-05:00

I Fought the Law and ... I Won

2007-01-19T13:24:00.000-05:00

I got a parking infraction sometime in August when I was moving my stuff into my parents' place. At the time they were in an apartment. I parked in the driveway at the front and was moving boxes through their patio door. When I was done, I took a rest; when I went out to move my car, there he was putting a ticket on my windshield, officer Sloute. Oh was I ever upset. I didn't realize it was a designated fire route: a $100 fine.

I booked a court date sometime in December to fight the ticket. It was my first time ever attending court so I had no idea about the proceedings. I wasn't sure if I should enter a guilty or not guilty plea. There were no signs indicating that it was a fire route but according to what I was hearing from the prosecutor, it is a known by-law that all driveways in apartment buildings and townhouse complexes are designated fire routes. So I decided to enter a plea of guilty with an explanation.

When my name was called I went up and was asked to state my name for the record; then I was asked which plea I would be entering, I said, "Guilty with an explanation." Then the judge asked me to state my explanation. I told him that I was moving my stuff into my parents' place and the reason why I was moving in was that I had been recently diagnosed with lupus. I also told him that there were no signs indicating that it was a designated fire route so I didn't know I was committing a violation. I closed my statement by mentioning that if I hadn't been upset about my personal circumstances and crying with my mom, I would have come out sooner to move my car.

He then told me that from my explanation I should have entered a not guilty plea. He motioned to strike my plea and moved my case to trial. I was in shock and so was the prosecutor AND the parking control officer. I was asked to have a seat and wait for my trial.

During my trial I presented evidence to prove that there were no signs posted where they should have been. Silly me opened my big mouth and said that unfortunately I only took pictures of one side of the driveway. The judge once again struck my motion and got the prosecutor to reschedule my court date.

As I was leaving, the officer came up to me and apologized for the whole thing. I thought that was nice of him. He then told me that usually the person would enter a guilty plea with a reason and the fine would simply be reduced. Maybe the judge was trying to throw me a bone; but I'm too honest and opened my mouth about the insufficient evidence. The officer then said that I should enter a guilty plea the next court date and go from there.

So that brings us to today. This time I was more prepared. I brought the pictures that I took of the driveway on both sides. I took the pics before we moved to our new place. We are no longer at that dump! However, I was confused whether I should enter a guilty or not guilty plea. I figured I would discuss it with the judge when I got up there.

I saw the officer when I sat down; I said how are you. He smiled and nodded. When the prosecutor asked everyone to check in, the officer came up to me while I was in line and told me that he had asked the prosecutor to withdraw my charge. I was shocked, surprised, and relieved. How nice of him. So when my name was called to face the judge, the prosecutor told her that she was withdrawing the charge. I was then told I was free to go!!!

I thanked her worship and the prosecutor; then I shook officer Sloute's hand before I left and said thank you. How awesome is that. I'm so relieved that I do not have a conviction and I do not have to pay a fine. It was definately worth all the trouble of going to court. It is also a blessing that I got an officer with a heart who was willing to see my side of the story.

Leia

2007-01-15T23:14:00.000-05:00

The love of my life.

Always On My Mind - Pet Shop Boys

2007-01-14T12:00:00.000-05:00

Heard this song while I was driving recently and it definately brought me back to the 80s. I loved it. It's definately a contender for karaoke night!

ALWAYS ON MY MIND - 19/12/1987

4 weeks at #1 - 11 weeks on chart

Maybe I didn't treat you

Quite as good as I should

Maybe I didn't love you

Quite as often as I could

Little things I should have said and done

I never took the time

You were always on my mind

Maybe I didn't hold you

All those lonely, lonely times

And I guess I never told you

I'm so happy that you're mine

If I made you feel second best

I'm so sorry I was blind

You were always on my mind

Tell me

Tell me that your sweet love hasn't died

Give me

One more chance to keep you satisfied

Satisfied

Little things I should have said and done

I never took the time

You were always on my mind

Dream Car Updates

2007-01-14T11:38:00.000-05:00

A couple more cars have been claimed.

Audi TT: Cat

White Escalade: Edwina

SC430: Kevin

Great choices!

Single Sourcing

2007-01-13T10:37:00.000-05:00

Single sourcing is the use of the same content in different documents and in different forms. For example, a company may have a common set of instructions. Those instructions are written and placed in a database available to those who might need it. Then that source of instructions may be used in different documents and it may also be duplicated in different formats.

Having a single source reduces translation costs, maintenence costs, errors, and improves consistency. For, the company only has to write a piece of documentation once and will only have to update that one source file when needed.

The Society for Technical Communication defines single sourcing as "using a single document source to generate multiple types of document outputs; workflows for creating multiple outputs from a document or database source."

Here is a link to the STC's Single-Sourcing Special Interest Group.

An interesting book, Single Sourcing: Building Modular Documentation, written by Kurt Ament explains in detail what single sourcing is and how to develop single source documents. The link on Amazon.com's site allows you to read an excerpt of the book.

Single sourcing is the path that many large software companies, like IBM, are taking. It is definately an interesting topic and an interesting approach to information development and management.

Tuition fee. $2055. Monthly GO Pass. $125. Internship at Big Blue. Priceless.

2007-01-06T14:15:00.000-05:00

What an amazing opportunity to have an internship with Big Blue. January 4th was a full day of orientation for the January intakes. There were only about 50 of us. It seems that the largest intake is in May with about 200 students.

Presentations were made introducing us to the amazing facilities at the Toronto Lab. We are known as the SoftWare Group (SWG) of IBM Canada. The site is located in Markham, Ontario and is situated on about 8 acres of land. There is a river and a few ponds; trees were planted on the site by employees and the site has received a certificate from the Wildlife Habitat Council.

An amenity that stands out is the onsite fitness centre, Active Blue. All services are free to employees, including fitness appraisals and programs. It's fully equipped with treadmills, eliptical machines, free weights, and classes that include yoga, pilates, and spinning.

There are games rooms on the second floor equipped with a ping pong (go Forest), fooseball, and air hockey table; employees can escape to oasis rooms located on the fourth floor and depending on their mood you may find them in either the Country Cottage room or the Asian themed room which is complete with a waterfall.

There are a variety of eateries to choose from. There is a Tim Horton's, Williams, and Pizza Pizza on site. There is also a mini cafe that serves a complete breakfast located in one of the buildings. The Market Place is the main cafeteria that offers a large variety of meal options to employees. Chefs can be found serving meals at different stations: stir fry, deli, grill, and other types of food. There is also a salad bar and the usual refrigerated shelves with sandwiches and drinks. Prices are similar to that of a regular food court.

The building is completely wireless up to the river! In the summer time, employees can work outside on their Thinkpads (which most of us get one). There are kitchenettes on each floor found close to employee work stations. Here employees can store their lunches in the fridge and help themselves to complimentary tea and coffee. Microwaves on each floor can be found a little bit further away from work stations so that the smell of food is not distracting.

I am fortunate to have my very own Personal Work Area (PWA). Some students are sharing due to over capacity. The building was built to house 2300 people but there are about 2500 employees. The work area is approximately 6 by 7 feet and comes complete with a desk, chair, extra stool, filing cabinets, shelves, and an overhead and task light. There is no fluorescent lighting in the work area. Employees can fit themselves ergonomically to their work area with the aid of information found on a site dedicated to ergonomics at IBM.

IBM is a supporter of ongoing learning. There are opportunities to complete professional certifications, courses, and training; there is also a library complete with full-time professional librarians. IBM offers employees the opportunity to earn their MSc on a part time basis through the CONGESE program. Top professors in every field from across Ontario are flown in to hold courses at the lab.

The past couple of days have been exciting and at the same time a little overwhelming. My coach, Agatha, has requested that I prepare a presentation on how to use a feature of the new documentation software that IBM is switching over to. At first I was extremely "scared." I haven't been scared in a long time. This fear is a good fear because it means that I am up against a challenge. I haven't been challenged at work in a very long time.

I am really happy to be at IBM. I feel so fortunate to have this opportunity. This is truly a dream internship. I am also very fortunate to be on such a supportive team. Although I have not worked there for long, I have worked in many other jobs and know how to recognize a positive environment. This job is very important to me. I am going to give it my very best.

A Card From My Sister

2007-01-01T15:41:00.000-05:00

Thank you, Edwina, for all your love and support. I love you.

History of the New Year's Resolution

2006-12-31T14:38:00.000-05:00

The first day of the year is one of the world’s oldest holidays. According to historians, Babylonians have been celebrating the new year over 4000 years ago. This ancient civilization has been credited by some to have originated an annual tradition that still prevails: the New Year’s Resolution.

The 23rd of March was considered the first day of the Babylonian calendar, and a common resolution by the people was the practise of returning items borrowed over the course of the past year to their rightful owners. Typically these were household items such as farming equipment.

The Romans continued to observe the new year in late March. However, as a result of tampering by various emperors, the calendar soon became out of synch with the sun. In order to set the calendar right, the Roman senate, in 153 BC, declared January 1 to be the first day of the year.

It was not until Julius Caesar established the Julian Calendar in 46 BC that the calendar was finally back in synch with the sun. The first month of the calendar was named in honour of the mythical figure Janus, the God of All Beginnings. Janus was a symbol of beginnings and endings, whose two faces allowed him to both look forward and backward in time. A common resolution in ancient Rome was to seek forgiveness from enemies of previous years.

Today, health-related resolutions top contemporary New Year’s resolutions. Many pledge to lose weight, exercise more, and quit smoking. A close second are financial resolutions that include plans to increase savings, conquer debt, and avoid excessive spending. Rounding out the list of today’s common resolutions are those pertaining to relationships, including making amends with friends and family, practising more patience with coworkers, and striving towards better communication with others.

Now, if only today’s resolutions were as simple as returning a borrowed item, many more would proudly claim to have followed through on a resolution. However, though those who succeed remain small in number, they are nevertheless an inspiration to all and this keeps the tradition of the New Year’s Resolution alive.

Maui Oct 24 - Nov 02 2006

2006-12-30T13:13:00.000-05:00

When people think of Hawaii, the word "budget" is not the next thing that comes to mind. But it can be done. I did Maui on a budget! The key is research and planning. There are a few options when it comes to accomodation.

If you're going with a bunch of people, renting an apartment is definately the way to go. But if you're a solo traveller such as myself, consider looking into the few, very few, hostels available in Hawaii. Do your research. There is plenty of information online with feedback from other travellers' first-hand experiences.

Thanks to my friend Christin, I knew to stay in Lahaina Town. There are many other towns on Maui but Lahaina was a little less pricey. What a great little place. Decently priced and full of history. I stayed at Patey's Place on Wainee Street. Yes, they are strict: no alcohol, no drugs, no loud music, kitchen's closed at 10pm. But it is very safe and very clean. I guess they have to be strict to keep things in order. The staff is great; I became good friends with two of them, Aaron and Annemat.

Aaron, who's from California, took me around the island in a 2006 Mustang GT. It was awesome to be driving around Maui with the top down. The weather was perfect and the scenery was absolutely breathtaking. Words cannot describe what I saw. You're just going to have to see it for yourself.

Anna, from Holland, was so much fun to hang around. I miss her. She taught me how to surf; she is a wonderful person. We had fun shopping and singing and driving around in her surf van. We got into a small fender-bender. As you can see, it was easily fixed with some ducktape!!! She's still in Maui. She'll be leaving for Australia in the new year. After a couple of months, she'll be heading to Fiji then to Bali. Anna is on a surfing tour. How awesome is that!! Hope you're having fun girl!

Mom in Malaysia

2006-12-30T12:23:00.000-05:00

A map indicating where Mom is. Missing her and wondering what she's up to. Right now she's probably sleeping cos' it's about 12 or 13 hours ahead. Wish she was home. Wish she would call more. Now who's the parent.

Another 25 days till she is home.

A Few Friends from School

2006-12-30T11:42:00.000-05:00

Here are some pics taken on the last day of school. We all got together at Pauper's on Bloor.

Kiara, Raquel, me, and Anne.
Kiara's a friend of Anne's.
Raquel will be at CIBC in January with Cat.
Anne will be working at CAMH.
Everyone's right downtown, except for a few of us north of the city. Boo.

Delme
We'll both be working at IBM come January.

My good friend, Cat. We bonded from the time we met. She is a really great person. Good people are hard to find. She's definately a keeper. She'll be working at CIBC right downtown during the co-op term. Lucky!!!

Hobie and Mark.
Hobie has been a bartender for most of his life. His idea of technology is the pocketsize paper notebook and pen he carries. He's come a long way since the first semester.

Mark, such a funny guy. He just wants a good girl; so if anyone's interested, get in touch! He's an English major, rocker, and poet (I just made that up cos' it sounds good.)

Mom On Vacation

2006-12-29T21:53:00.000-05:00

So Mom is in Malaysia right now. She left on the 27th and will return on the 24th of January. It's the first time she's travelled on her own since a very long time. She arrived safely but not without incident.

Crappy Air Canada did not take care of my mom. They wheeled her, along with four other passengers requiring assistance, onto the boarding platform. They got the other passengers on but left my mom waiting while all the other able-bodied passengers boarded the plane!!

After all passengers boarded, they PAGED her!!!!!! Finally someone realized that she was waiting outside in a wheelchair. Nevertheless, that made my mom feel like a piece of lugguage. Didn't any of the stewards have some sense of decency?!!!! I am absolutely appalled at their level of service.

Upon landing in Beijing, she was transferred to the hands of Air China; they really took care of her. Mom was impressed with the way they treated her. It was such a contrast. One person took care of her throughout the entire transition. They even had a porter at her service from the time she left the plane. He helped with her luguage and made sure she was safe with Mark, my cousin, before he left.

I wrote an email to Air Canada. Surprisingly, they replied. Here is the reply:

Response (Leslie Anne Macalister) - 12/29/2006 05:20 PM

Dear Ms. Low,

We were disturbed to learn of the situation you have described in your email.

Please forward your mothers full name and flight details in order that we may do a thorough investigation of your concerns.

We thank you for your patience and understanding.

Sincerely,

Leslie Anne Macalister

Customer Solutions Customer

======================================================================

So let's see what happens next.

Anyway, I'm glad Mom is safe. I'm sure she's going to have a wonderful time with all her family and friends. I know they'll take good care of her. Pop and I, as well as Leia and Smokey miss her very much, and it's only been a day.

When Did Dating Get So Difficult?

2006-12-29T20:38:00.000-05:00

It used to be simple: boy meets girl, they fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after. Or was that only in fairytales? Though we may wonder when did finding that special someone become so difficult throughout the year, never is that question more contemplated than over the holiday season.

As the sole single, uncoupled person sitting at the dining table, we may ask ourselves, “Why am I still single?” Not that we do not relish our freedom, our ability to travel to foreign lands on a whim, or the no-questions-asked when we delight in a newly purchase pair of Jimmy Choos or a 36” LCD flat-screen TV.

But sometimes the happy single does wonder.

Over the past few years, the single person has been presented with a mish-mash of dating advice and strategies brought on by the reality that many are waiting a lot longer than our historical counterparts to settle down and get married. We are dating more than we used to and some, newly single, find themselves back later in the dating game.

Many dabble in a variety of different ways to meet that special someone. With the availability of online dating and the now-becoming-acceptable dating services, there seems to be alternatives to bars and clubs.

However, still plaguing the single person are the overwhelming rules and strategies for dating that “experts,” without solicitation, dispense.

It began many years ago with The Rules and more recently there was He’s Just Not That Into You. Women flocked to purchase these books in hopes to uncover one of the greatest mysteries of mankind—the thought patterns of the male species. Some may have even referred to these books as dating manuals.

However, attempts to compartmentalize unique real-life situations to the ones described in books rendered many, not only frustrated but, to question their own thoughts and actions.

Though these more popular books have women as their target audience, men were not exempt from being targeted as well. Askmen.com has a section on love and dating with hundreds of articles that help men, for instance, “avoid the friend zone.”

It doesn’t take an expert to realize that what ends up happening is that, though both are sincerely interested in one another, she “keeps herself busy” while he “pretends that he is just not interested.” With both parties doing their own thing, no connection is made. No one is willing to make the first move so as not to “lose” the “game.”

That’s right. It has become a game where each player calculates each and every move in anticipation of what the other person might do. Neither is willing to take the risk.

No one ever said love would be easy. In love, we’re taking a chance, exposing our vulnerability, and there are no guarantees.

Love is not about rules or playing it safe; it’s about respecting yourself and the other person. Know who you are and what you want before getting into a relationship.

You must create a life for yourself before you can share it with someone else.

Once you’ve done your homework, go out and have fun. Throw away the rule books because there is only one rule: to love and respect yourself. Always remember who you are: your values, your needs, and your goals and dreams.

With a new year approaching, why not try something new; take a chance and make that connection. The great woman you just met probably does not have plans for the weekend, even if it is after Wednesday; and he would love to have a night away from the boys. You never know, the risk might be worth the reward; there just may be a fairytale after all.